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Have you ever been hypnotised? You may not know it yet, but even if you think you’ve never been hypnotised it possibly happened whilst you were at work.

You may find this story of a coincidence enlightening.

I recently had the opportunity to participate in a group hypnosis session. It turns out I’m not particularly susceptible to hypnosis but after 20 minutes we were given a suggestion that we couldn’t move our arms. I wanted to prove I wasn’t hypnotised; I knew I could move if I really wanted to, but, somehow just didn’t drum up the energy to move – it was far too comfortable lying there without moving and I was effectively paralysed. This is apparently quite a normal experience of hypnosis.

Last week I found myself behaving in the same way but this time I hadn’t willingly or knowingly been hypnotised – and it wasn’t the intention of the ‘hypnotist’ either. At an economic forum update the room was comfortably warm, the seats were deep, the lights were dimmed for the slides and the speaker was familiar with his material.

After about 30 minutes he asked for questions. Nobody volunteered, so the facilitator asked some questions of the ‘expert panel’. One of them made a very interesting point with which I agreed wholeheartedly and wanted to voice my agreement, but I couldn’t rouse myself to say or do anything; I felt paralysed. And then I realised it was exactly the same physical and mental state as when I’d been hypnotised.

The conditions for this, and many presentations, are similar to those deliberately chosen for the hypnosis session; muted lighting, comfortable warm surroundings, lots of other people being still, and a voice talking to us.

And, on reflection, how often do speakers experience difficulty in getting the audience to actively participate or ask questions at the end of a presentation – are we regularly in a state of light hypnosis?

In a hypnotic state we absorb information quite effectively so this is one way way to present information to people. But a key feature of hypnosis is that the critical faculties are turned off – they stop evaluating what they see, hear or feel.

So if you need people to actively absorb information you present, and particularly if you want them to consider it, challenge it or engage with it, presenting it through the power of hypnosis is not the most effective way of doing it.

But that’s exactly what many, many presentations do.

Do you ever find that people said they were interested in your ideas before your presentation but then it’s really hard to get them to respond once you’ve got started; or you’ve told a group that you’d really like this to be interactive and they are to ask questions and then feel frustrated when nobody asks any. Even more frustrating is the experience when you’ve asked for a decision and then find people seem to be going against it when they are back in the office?

Then perhaps you may want to consider what state they are in when you present the information to them. Perhaps they are literally in no fit state to critically evaluate the information they’ve been given and respond. They can only do that when they’ve been reawakened by walking back to the office – by which time it may be too late.

So have you ever been hypnotised? Have you ever been a hypnotist yourself?

One of the things that makes selling gratifying is that it’s fairly easy to keep score of our wins and losses.

At the same time, what makes it unusually difficult is the fact that when we fail, we don’t get high-quality, corrective feedback that tells us what to do, differently in our sales negotiations.

This means we’re likely to repeat our errors, and that’s not only frustrating, it’s costly.

If you are a band of one, working by or for yourself, you can’t possibly give yourself honest and truthful feedback, for the simple reason that we can’t DO and CRITICIZE at the same time.

If you’re in an organization, getting quality feedback is not much easier.

You’d think a sales manager or a peer could provide it, but how often do they actually monitor your negotiations? Moreover, they have their own goals and perceptions that distort your strengths and weaknesses.

To get honest feedback on your sales negotiations, to discern where, exactly, you came up, short, is essential if you want to improve. Where is that information to be found?

The good news is that it exists. The bad news is that the person that rejected you is the only one that has it. If you want to know why you didn’t earn a sale, to discover exactly what the prospect did after relations with you ended, you have to ASK.

Why would I urge you onto a mission of fact-finding from non-buyers?

If you believe the misanthropic adage, “Buyers Are Liars,” you can never expect to hear the truth from them, especially from those that didn’t purchase from you at all; that either recoiled and did nothing, or that went to one of your competitors for what you offer.

Surely, they have to feel defensive, figuring you’re going to pester them about something that is a done deal. Plus, if they dropped off the radar, which is typically how our failures register, they don’t explicitly say NO very much anymore; can we really expect them to suddenly emerge from the shadows and shed light on our shortcomings?

And you might not want to solicit feedback, especially from them, now that they seem to have ZERO POTENTIAL. I grant you, getting mired in the past, even if it is recent, can keep you from facing today’s challenges and today’s prospects, those with continuing capacity to buy.

But if you start from the premise that: (1) You’re likely to repeat your errors without quality feedback; (2) Non-buyers are the ideal sources for corrective information; and (3) Those that didn’t buy are not crazy; that they are typical of prospects at large, then you must agree learning from them can very valuable.

Plus, there’s satisfaction in ending the mystery of your misses.

I’ve done this with great success. In one case, sending a note, asking for feedback, because in addition to being a fill-in-the-blank, “I’m also a marketer who needs to keep learning and improving.”

In one case, what I thought was a dead horse sprang to life, awarding me with a blue-ribbon, nationwide consulting contract.

Recently, a more modest inquiry revealed exactly WHO he bought from and WHEN; HOW MUCH he paid for the service, and the RESULTS obtained.

I learned what pricing will be competitive, and how a specific competitor operates, someone I’ll encounter again and again.

This leaves me with a choice, as an entrepreneur. Do I want to earn this type of business in the future, or would I prefer to pass?

I have to admit I didn’t value the prospect very highly. I perceived him as an amateur at buying the service in question, without a clear idea of his budget.

And without pertinent background, I believed he would buy based on price, not appreciating the quality I represented; and he did exactly that.

At the same time, his feedback told me I need to offer various “grades” of service in this area, if I am going to compete.

Based on the fact that this fellow answered quickly, and responded specifically to all of my emailed questions, suggests he was telling the truth.

There is no question I know, now, exactly what to do to “win” deals of this type.

Now, isn’t that worth the 15 minutes it took me to compose that note?

Negotiating isn’t always about haggling over prices and terms. Sometimes it involves getting quality feedback that may not revive a missed deal, but will position you to springboard to greater success in your sales negotiations in the future.

Preparation Tips:

1. Get a good work out the day of or night before you present. Exercise helps get rid of excess adrenaline, increases confidence, posture etc.

2. Practice does not make perfect – but it does help with confidence. The definition of confidence is not that you won’t ever get nervous. We all get nervous. Confidence is knowing that if you get nervous you WILL recover. Practicing your material helps pave the way to recovering in a moment of nervousness or distraction.

3. Tell your co-workers and loved ones in advance that you are utterly and completely unavailable for an hour before the program begins until an hour after it is scheduled to end. Have back up childcare etc. if you have small children or pets that might need attention.

4. Print out your PowerPoint SLIDES so that you can add notes for yourself and so that during the presentation you can always see what is coming next without having to advance the slide on the viewing board.

5. Always, always, always check your AV at each location, each time you need it- far ahead of your start time. Even if you are sure-still check it. Check sound, electricity, computer connection etc.

6. Arrive early so you can own the room. Check temperature (too cold is better than too warm-but don’t try to please everyone-tell them to bring a sweater).

7. Tell your team what to bring, what you expect and how to behave BEFORE they show up.

8. Try and plan for every possible thing that can wrong and then let go.

“It’s all about the message-not the messenger.” Juanell Teague (speaker coach)

During the Presentation:

9. Take your time with the material. Remind yourself that there is a lot of wisdom and experience in the room. Rely on your teaching partner and honor the group, your teaching partner and yourself. If you do this you cannot go wrong.

10. Avoid checking email, texts etc. during the presentation because that could cost you your presence. Don’t allow others to talk to you about business unrelated to this program while you are giving the program-it will keep. You have worked this hard to assemble all of these people-stay in the room with them. On the breaks connect with individuals-not the outside world. Prep for the next section.

11. If you forget something or make a mistake say-”I forgot” or “I made a mistake” and let it go.

12. Remember that what you say from the front of the room is what people will think about and remember-so avoid apologies about temperature, environment, handouts or any other things that YOU cannot change. Talk about what you want them to remember- how great they are, how honored you are, etc.

13. Relax, everything will turn out fine. If everything fell apart and the slides did not work and the preparation all failed and you did nothing but talk to people and ask for their feedback and wisdom about up selling and cross selling and talked about your guests then it would have been a great day. Everything else is a bonus.

“Be sincere; be brief; be seated.” ~Franklin D. Roosevelt